Monday, August 3, 2009

Week 7b/6a: Sit and Spin, Mofo

Since my gym blog post last week was for half a week, today was either the end of last week or the beginning of this week. Either way, I have to post twice this week. Not because anyone else cares, but because when you start working out it becomes an all-consuming obsession. The reason for this is obvious: flight or fight. Working out is like being perpetually chased by a hungry tiger, and if you get distracted and think about anything else, even for a moment -- instant death.

So speaking of instant death, the Spinner / Spinning bike is a fascinating invention. It is specifically designed to simulate climbing a preposterously steep hill in the name of fitness.

Ever since the Trojan inventor Equus of Dardanus developed the horse, riding a bicycle uphill has been the exclusive domain of children (who are too naive to know any better), the desperately poor for whom a bicycle is the only alternative to walking (who have no choice), and fanatical cyclists (who are too naive to know any better). Anyone with the means to procure a horse, or one of those fancy "horseless horses" that have become all the rage since Baron Ferdinand von Kombustin-Enjin invented the Internal Combustion Engine, would scoff at the very idea of something so archaic and ridiculous as uphill bicycling.

I guess the inventors of the Spinner bike are SCA types who enjoy reenacting prehistoric times when people didn't have horses and had to ride their heavy iron bicycles uphill into battle, panting like a dehydrated dog as they sweated away their precious bodily fluids (tm) and stabbed eachother with lances. Some people have strange hobbies.


Max said...

I suck at climbing hills on the bike. Climbing is essentially a power:weight ratio - the more weight you can pull off yourself and the stronger you get, the easier it is to climb longer. Sustained power output is tough and it can't be done just by going out and riding hills all day long. A stationary bike is the perfect place to get stronger because you can create controlled intervals of power output just like lifting weights or other types of plyometrics.

All that is to say yes, all modern exercise is some sort of throwback to grueling medieval times.

I've always advocated the Conan the Barbarian workout. All he did was push a wheel - in ONE direction - for ten years and he got totally ripped. I'll bet it was all that PowerYak he was eating.