Sunday, November 16, 2008

Things You Can Learn From James Bond

I saw Quantum of Solace last night, and while it was action packed, it was ultimately not terribly satisfying as a film. While I must agree with Ebert's assessment that "James Bond [should not be] an action hero," the action scenes would have been more exciting had my emotional investment in the characters been greater. Being able to tell what was happening more than half the time also would have helped. It's just not true that fast cutting is a substitute for a tense, psychological duel between a hero and a cunning, materially superior enemy. However, despite not liking it as much as Casino Royale, I did come away from the film with some valuable lessons:

10) MI-6 has adopted Microsoft Surface as their computing platform of choice.

9) People just won't learn the lesson of Inigo Montoya and have some sort of plan for what to do with themselves after they've carried out their vengeance.

8) If your best operative is coerced into revealing information about your operation, you should go to extraordinary lengths to find him and kill him afterwards, because that'll clearly undo the damage done to your plans.

7) Contemporary Opera is a criminal front activity.

6) Only European super-villains know where water comes from.

5) Colonialism, corruption, crony capitalism, moral degradation, and environmental cataclysm is the fault of Green Energy companies.

4) Provided you somehow slow down within the last six inches before hitting ground, you can fall from any height.

3) Don't trust anyone above the rank of Major.

2) It's merely mildly annoying to people when one kills random bad guys, but being out for revenge against someone who has deeply wronged you really pisses folks off.


1) Do not hold meetings in any hotel that is made out of bombs.


Doctor Memory said...

Seriously, even by the standards of avant-garde european architecture, building an entire hotel out of dynamite was a little over the top.

It's like the director and screenwriters had no idea whatsoever what made Casino Royale a watchable movie.

Seth said...

I must be honest with myself, I am avoiding this one because of the inane, asinine title. Seriously, Octopussy was a better title.